A condition of obtaining my Chinese residence permit was reporting for a medical exam in Beijing. My first thought: would the staff speak English, or would I be reduced to playing a sophisticated medical edition of charades?
The first challenge was finding the clinic – it turns out the location on my map was inaccurate….by about 25 kilometres.
The list of fun tests I had to complete.
On my second attempt, I made it to the clinic and the fun began. I was given a checklist of tests to complete, each located in a different room of the building. I could choose the order, so it was a type of chose your own unpleasant adventure.
The test would have been a lot easier if the chart looked like this.
I opted to start easy with the eye test. I entered Room 204 and was immediately confronted by a cheery doctor who pointed at a letter on a chart. Immediately I was in trouble. It wasn’t that I couldn’t see the letter. It was more of a problem of what do you call a backwards “E”? I muttered something incoherent. And with that, the doctor passed me. Easy enough.
The read-out from the terrifying electrical contraption.
Next up, I entered Room 209. A doctor with a terrifying grin guided me to a bed and placed giant electrical clamps on my hands and legs and some random suction probes on my stomach. I was still bracing for an electric shock when the doctor said “finished” and released me from the contraption.
A much friendlier looking nurse than the one I had.
Soon enough, I only had one test left – Room 104: “Blood test”. Now it might be just me, but I’m not a massive fan of someone poking me with a needle and drawing out vials of the fluid that keeps me alive. There was a reason I left this test to the end.
It didn’t help that the nurse waving around the needle had a huge smile, like she derived some sort of pleasure at my discomfort. Admittedly, I looked anywhere but at the needle entering my arm. “Scary” I said to the nurse. “No, not scary” said the nurse, her grin widening.
Soon enough the ordeal was all over and I was certified healthy enough to live in China for a few months. Admittedly though, I’m still confused by the backward “E”.
Note: photos were not allowed in the building. The facility was slightly more modern (and a little less scary) than the main picture on the top.