Need to send very important documents from mainland China to Hong Kong? Learn from my experience and read my easy to follow 20 step guide, complete with pictures!
Step 1: Print the documents
Make your way to your local print shop.
At some shops you can navigate the Chinese version of Windows by intuition. If the staff will insist on operating the computer, point at the file and say “Zhe ge” (i.e. this one) – repeatedly if necessary. To any other questions, just say “Dui” (i.e. correct).
Step 2: Find a trusted courier service
To make sure your documents arrive, search for a local outlet of trusted courier service. I found a UPS store on my map.
Step 3: Make your way to the outlet
Obvious enough. Board a bus and contemplate how clever you are to be able to efficiently get things done in China.
Step 4: Arrive at the outlet…
… to find that the outlet either never existed, is not where the map told you it was, or has long been abandoned.
Step 5: Resist the urge to give up
After all, you have one mission for that day and you will post these documents if it’s the last thing you do.
Step 6: Find a post office
Give up on trying to find a brand you trust and notice a nearby ‘post office’ on your map.
Step 7: Don’t think too much
Don’t spend too much time thinking about whether the ‘Postal Savings Bank of China’ is a bank or a post office. Just walk in. Also don’t contemplate whether “Philately” is an English word (it is).
Step 8: Master the Chinese language
Get the phrase for “I need to courier this to Hong Kong” into your translator. Build up your confidence by repeating the phrase a few times before walking in. Then completely butcher the words and tones in front of the attendant. Appear unsurprised when you appear to be understood and are handed an envelope, a postal form and a clear bag.
Step 9: Pay
Unhelpfully hand the attendant a 100RMB note when he asks for 2.5RMB. He will forgive you, after all, you are a stupid foreigner.
Step 10: Carefully complete the postal form
Fortunately, my form was both in English and Chinese. For the extra cultural experience, copy the Chinese characters for “Hong Kong” onto the form. Be warned, however, if your drawing skills are not great, your documents might be lost forever.
Step 11: Put the documents in the clear waterproof bag
After all, it appears waterproof and post offices in China have road branches.
Step 12: Watch the attendant remove the documents from the bag
Turns out the clear bag is to attach the postal form on the outside of the envelope.
Step 13: Produce your passport
Passport? I need a passport to send a letter? Of course I didn’t bring my passport. When you seek mercy, the attendant will say one English word: “No”.
Step 14: Stay cool, calm and collected
Remember that one of the documents you are sending is a copy of your passport. Re-open the envelope, hand over the copy and do a mental fist-pump when the attendant starts typing things into his computer.
Step 15: Have faith
Yes, everything you wrote on the postal form is in English, and yes, everything the attendant (who doesn’t speak English – except for “No”) is typing into his computer is in Chinese characters – but don’t worry. Have faith in your squiggly Chinese characters from Step 10.
Step 16: If in doubt…
You might get asked some questions. If in doubt, just say refer back to Step 1 and say “Dui” (i.e. correct). Repeat until the questions cease.
Step 17: Leave the post office
Get back on a bus, think back to Step 3 and realise that you haven’t become any more efficient at getting things done in China – you’ve just become more persistent.
Step 18: Hope and pray….
… that your documents make it to Hong Kong and not some far-flung province.
Step 19: Celebrate
But only when you receive news that the documents have arrived.
Step 20: Not again
Resist crying out in frustration when you realise you need to send more documents by mail the next day. Put on your bravest face, collect your passport and board a bus. Walk back into the same post office. Then let out a smile when you see the same attendant who put up with you yesterday. His very annoyed look will remind you: it’s worse for him than it is for you.